Keeping Up Appearances

In my area there used to be a show that came on television called “Keeping Up Appearances.”  The story line was of the Bucket family.  The mother however, could not accept for her name to be pronounced as it is spelled.  She chose to pronounce it “Bouquet” as if to make herself more appealing.  It was sometimes comical how she would make herself so to be something that she was not. 

Oh how often I have done the same thing.   I would cover myself over acting as though I was perfect.  Showing to everyone else that I had everything figured out.  I was great at hypocrisy, acting one way, yet privately living something completely different.  I had to make others believe that I was something I simply was not.  I wanted to be genuine, but I was far from it.  I knew the Bible, I had felt God’s touch, but I was choosing to live a life of sin and shame. 

If you have been keeping up with Rachel’s blog you know that I have struggled with pornography.  One of the greatest keys in getting past porn has been openess.  There is no way that I can cover something up and expect it to go away.  I have heard people say that “You don’t need to air your dirty laundry to everyone!”  My reply to that comment is simple….  If you don’t air it, you can’t expect to get rid of the stinch!  If you want to get rid of a smell in your car or house what do you do?  You have to air it out and clean it up. Have you ever walked into a musty smelling house and sprayed air freshener?  You end up with a “fresh” musty smell. 

When I finally realized that it was just selfish pride keeping me from being open things began to change.  I realized that by keeping things hidden from everyone around enabled me to also keep things hidden from Rachel.  I finally determined to be open with her, she allowed me the opportunity to share everything with her.  The last time was different,  She gave me a chance to open up to her without guilt.  The times before she had given me ultimatums,  This time she gave me herself. 

I cannot really express how much things are different now, we have an amazing marriage.  Things have not been easy.  I have put Rachel through an incredible amount of heartbreak, stress, emotional rollercoasters, and failure.  I rejected her, in all honesty the pain that I put her through is abuse.  I never wanted to hurt her, but I did.  There is no way that I can just cover that over.  The only thing that I can do is openly love her, put away the past, and be the husband to her that God created me to be. 

I do not ever want to be just an appearance again.  I do not want to be a hard shell that looks right, but is filled only with decay.   I want to be genuine, my prayer has changed from “Lord don’t let me be tempted by porn!”  to “Lord, help me get past the temptation, and help me to be real!”

I pray that God will bless you for taking the time to read our story. If you have or are struggling with porn and need someone to talk to, I would be honoured.  Know that Christ does not condemn you, He wants to show his love and compassion to you, and help you get past the hidden sins that condemn.  Let’s be real together and forget about keeping up appearances!